A Woman, Knitting & A Life Recovered

This month I have a guest blogger, Robyn Brickner, who shares her powerful, heartfelt story of finding peace after the shocking and tragic death of her beloved husband. Her story is touching to the core.

Here is Robyn's story:

On the most picture perfect January day, my life was forever altered.  I drove my husband to the airport for a 6:30 AM flight, kissed him good bye, told him I loved him and asked that he call when he arrived at his destination.  He traveled so much I didn’t keep up with what airline he was flying, where he was going or staying.  I just wanted to know he was safe and when he would be home.  That was the day he never came home.  His flight crashed on takeoff and he and 20 others were killed on impact, just three hours after I had last touched him.

The hours, the days, and the months that followed became a jumbled mess in my head.  I couldn’t remember anything, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t sleep or eat.  I walked around wondering how the whole world functioned as nothing made sense to me.

God and I never got sideways with each other over what I didn’t understand.  He was most certainly my biggest supporter and greatest strength, yet for some reason He couldn’t seem to help me get my act together.  And then, He did.  Whether you believe it divine, or not, I most certainly believe that God took me by the hand and led me to what would become a love of knitting.  Yes, you read that correctly, knitting.  How is it that knit one, purl two can heal the soul, well, I’m here to tell you.

In one of my darkest days a dear friend appeared with a skein of yarn, a set of needles, and an article about a woman, knitting and a life recovered.  I read, I wept and I’ve never stopped knitting.  How I wish I had saved the first pitiful thing I ever made for it was as pitiful as I was then.

In addition to yarn and needles, knitting requires the ability to sit quietly, the coordination of hands, eyes and mind, and the desire to make something out of nothing. 

My dear friend taught me just enough to let me begin knitting.  It was once she left and I sat alone with my yarn and my needles and, oh so slowly, began to repeat everything that she had shown me that I became lost in the repetition in the act of knitting.  My mind engaged as it hadn’t in months, my hands, while unsure, uncomfortable and unsteady continued to repeat what I had been taught.  I knew for certain that what I was making was not a scarf, but the beginning of something I didn’t totally understand.   It looked terrible and I felt different.   I felt something in my chest that was truly foreign to me.  Over time I came to learn that the foreign feeling was calm and peace.

I immediately sought out a knitting store, signed up for classes, bought all the things every knitter should have, and began a love affair with yarn.  I spent hours at home knitting.  What I thought would be a quick 30 minutes of knitting turned into an entire afternoon.  I found that I was only at peace when knitting.  What I learned was that the knitting quieted my mind and soul.  Knitting allowed me to shut off my thoughts and just, be.

While the early days of knitting required great focus and concentration, it was in that focus and concentration that I was my most peaceful.  It seemed as if the coordination of my hands, eyes and mind  put me in a meditative place.   I have actually come to learn that there is all kinds of research to support what I didn’t know or understand.  The research involves rapid eye movement and some chemical released in the brain,  blah, blah, blah.  All I knew was when I was knitting, I felt better.  My mind didn’t race, my heart didn’t ache.  I’m not saying knitting cured a broken life, but it allowed me to find a place that could make healing possible. 

I’ve never been able to sit still, never made it through a movie night at home without falling asleep on the couch, never waited patiently in a doctor’s office until knitting became part of who I am.  Knitting has made me still.  Still in the sense that I am quite, and quiet in the sense that I am able to hear my soul tell me what it is I need.  So, I knit.   I’ve made a lot of really crappy looking things with lots of mistakes, but I don’t care.  I knit because I have to.  I knit because I know God’s hands led my hands to where I am today;  happy, grateful, and  loved, but mostly I’m at peace with my past and my present.

Robyn Brickner


Leta Bell can be reached at www.LetaBell.com

Are You Listening Brother John?

Are You Listening Brother John?

Over the last month or so, I am been fascinated watching people communicate.  It's interesting to witness people talk over one another or check out of a conversation.  We all do it at one point or another: talk over someone, interrupt someone or zone out of a conversation.

Recent Gallup research found that $280 billion is lost in the U.S. economy due to poor communication skills in the workplace.  This is staggering.  The research found that when management critically communicates with employees, the employees disengage and illness increases by 25%.  If management ignores employees, the disengagement and illness increases to 45%. However, if management provides their employees with positive feedback, disengagement falls to less than 1% and illness lowers as well.

When we fully engage in listening, whether it is with a co-worker, a child or our spouse, the speaker's brain responds with the amygdala calming down.  The amygdala creates the fight, flight or freeze response in the brain.  It triggers the deer-in-the-headlights response that all humans and all animals carry.  It’s the place where fear and anxiety develops in our brain.

So we when we fully engage our listening skills, the speaker's central nervous system actually cause that person to calm down.  When this happens it creates limbic resonance, which is the capacity for two people to tune into one another's deep, inner states.  Therefore, when we listen intently, our relationships deepen and become more meaningful.  Maybe if we start listening at a deeper level, people will begin to listen more ardently to us.  It could be become a cultural phenomenon.

This type of listening is called active listening.  It is a skill, something we all can learn and practice.  Here are some tips on how to improve your active listening skills:

1.  Face the speaker

2.  Maintain eye contact without staring.  This helps limit distractions.

3.  Focus your attention on what the speaker is saying.

4.  Minimize internal distractions. If you start to plan your response or you zone out, simply bring your attention back to fully focusing on the speaker is saying.

5.  Listen to the speaker with a sense of respect.  Remember they are another soul having a human experience, just like you.

6.  Not only focus on what the person is saying, try to understand the point they are trying to communicate.


For further information you can reach Leta Bell at www.LetaBell.com

Tapping Into Our Dreams

Lately, dreams have been coming up a lot with my clients. I have been getting a lot of questions about dreams.  Do they really tell us something about ourselves?  Our lives?  Yes and yes.

Dreams are a window into our psyche. In the dream state, we are working out our current individual issues. Dreams provide insight into our state-of-being. They open a window between our unconscious and our conscious mind.  If we want to look, learn and grew we can do so by tapping into our dreams. To sum it up, dreams deepen our self knowledge.

Everyone dreams, even if you think you don't dream you really do.  People generally just remember 1% of their dreams. Almost all dreams take place during our REM sleep. We process and recover from traumatic experiences through our dream state. Often our dreams will tell us there is work to be done in recovering from a upsetting life experience. It's like a caretaker knocking at the window saying "Hello, we have a problem here, Quit sweeping this under the rug, this needs to be addressed. I will keep bringing this up until you get this resolved."

According to research, our unconscious continues to process during our waking hours in visions, daydreams and fantasies. Also, dreams consolidate life lessons and memories we have experienced to insure our survival and well being. Our dreams even open our psychic channels to our artistic expression.

If you are having trouble remembering your dreams, here are some simple tools to help you recall them:

• Sometimes simply telling yourself and setting your mind to remember your dreams upon waking will do the trick.  You can set this intention just before drifting off to sleep by saying to yourself, "I intent to remember my dreams when I wake up."

• Upon waking, simply keep your eyes closed and stay in bed for several minutes, letting your dreams float into your consciousness.

• Keep a dream journal by your bed to use right upon waking when your dream is most vivid and clear.

• Both prescription and non prescription drugs can alter your dreams and/or dull dreams.

• Take advantage of sleeping in later on the weekends.

For further information you can reach Leta Bell at www.LetaBell.com

Easy Nutrition for the Mind, Body and Spirit!!!

Banana's nourish the mind, body and spirit!!! I received the following information in an email. I thought it was such great information on the powerful effects of an easy to obtain fruit. They are everywhere from convenient stores to grocery stores and available in all seasons. Pass the Banana A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression 'going bananas' is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on: Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!! This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again. Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and g lucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet. Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood. Anemia : High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anaemia. Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administra tion has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke. Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert. Constipation: High in fibber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives. Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey.. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system. Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief. Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness. Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation. Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system. Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady. Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach. Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood Enhancer tryptophan. Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal. Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack. Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by stro kes by as much as 40%! Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape! So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe it's time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!' .......... PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! One more thing -- want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

Tulsa World Article, "Free Your Mind" in Monday Organizer

I was featured in the Tulsa World's, Monday Organizer Column on July 4, 2011. Here is a copy of the article and the link.

Monday organizer: Free your mind

>>Show All Photos

By BRANDI BALL World Scene Writer

Published: 7/4/2011 4:28 AM

Last Modified: 7/4/2011 4:30 AM

Editor’s note: This is an occasional series designed to help you get more out of your week. We’ll offer practical tips and helpful ideas to simplify your busy life, so you can enjoy more time with your family.

By the end of the week, most people are still scrambling to complete their to-do list. Procrastination and a lack of focus can give you serious time management problems. However, concentration can improve with practice, said Leta Bell, a Licensed Professional Counselor in Tulsa. In fact, it is a skill that you can learn by practicing just a few simple techniques.

1. Meditate.

Meditation heightens energy and is a tool to relax your mind and body. It can be practiced anywhere.

Transcendental meditation — using a mantra, such as a word, sound or phrase repeated silently, to narrow your conscious awareness and eliminate all thoughts from your mind — can be done anywhere.

Do it at your desk, while in a waiting room or when you are out for a walk. Yoga and Tai Chi are also forms of meditation.

“When you meditate, you are training your brain to calm down,” Bell said. “It’s like exercising a muscle. When we don’t give that muscle a time out, we’re like hamsters on a wheel.”

2. Avoid multitasking.

Most people are just trying to keep up with the rat race, so multitasking has become a way of life. But channeling your focus on one item at a time can give your mind more of a fighting chance.

According to a study completed by Russell Poldrack, a professor of psychology with the University of California, multitasking adversely affects the brain’s ability to learn and absorb information.

A similar study done by Gresham College in London concluded that multitasking causes problem-solving skills to drop by the equivalent of 10 IQ points.

3. Stay in the here and now.

By constantly worrying about the past or the future, you decrease your ability to stay centered and it can have a direct impact on your mind control.

If you are having trouble keeping your mind and body in the present moment, Bell said, sit back and practice deep breathing techniques.

“Take big, deep belly breaths to help you slow down so you don’t feel rushed or worried,” she said. “Then exhale through your mouth twice as slowly as usual.”

Deep breathing calms the nervous system and Bell said it sometimes can be as effective as medication in treating panic attacks.

4. Turn off the noise.

Close the 29 windows you have minimized on your computer and running in the background. Switch off your iPhone (a repeat offender when it comes to distracting people), walk away from Facebook and Twitter. Turn down the radio and TV. Focus solely on the task at hand until you have it completed.

“Less distractions lead to more productivity, period,” Bell said.

5. Limit sugar intake.

Making healthier food choices, fresh foods with less sugar, Bell said.

“Lower your sugar intake and you will have a more constant blood sugar level throughout the day,” she said. “It can also help you process things at a higher rate. Sugar slows that down significantly.”

Too much caffeine can make you feel fatigued, and to avoid over-stimulation, you should “budget” the amount you intake, Bell said.

By BRANDI BALL World Scene Writer

Copyright 2011 World Publishing Co. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Read more from this Tulsa World article at http://www.tulsaworld.com/scene/article.aspx?subjectid=370&articleid=20110704_4_D1_bEdito723580

For further information you can reach Leta Bell at www.LetaBell.com

The Love Drug

When I use the term love drug, I am referring to that incredible euphoria, floating-on-a-cloud feeling of romantic love. The Cinderella Syndrome. You require less sleep, there's a new found skip in your step.

In The Iliad, Homer professed "There is a heat of love, the pulsing rush of longing, the lover's whisper, irresistible---magic to make the sanest man go mad." The love drug is a natural, hormonal shift. A cocktail of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. Studies have shown that this hormone shift, the love drug, can last anywhere from two hours to 18-24 months.

Just as romantic love is a natural hormone state, so is the next state you enter: mature love. Not so exciting. Your lose that skip in our step. You need more sleep (well, most of us). Prince Charming is now driving you insane. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the power struggle. Your and your lover are now fighting or you just can't communicate at all. Why doesn't he get me? Why won't she just do want I want her to?

Mature love, including the power struggle, is where we grow as human beings. It's the land where you heal childhood wounds you have carried into your adult life. Every single one of us does it, regardless of the how little or how big our baggage is. It is human nature. You picked this partner of yours just for that very reason. To heal, to grow, to love.

With the divorce rate hovering above 55%, American culture doesn't promote mature love. Our media sells romantic love. So how do we defy the odds of staying together once the romance has waned? How do we stay together, happily, in mature love?

Just as you must weed and fertilize a garden, you must do the same in your relationship. Two keys to keeping the love alive are safety and oxytocin.

The first key, safety, is composed of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual safety. A healthy relationship must have all four of these components. Both partners must feel safe speaking their truth; being themselves. It's gotta be safe being vulnerable in the couple hood.

The second key, oxytocin, is the bonding hormone. When a mother is breast feeding she is releasing vast amounts of oxytocin, therefore, bonding to the baby. When we have an orgasm, we are releasing high amounts of oxytocin resulting in bonding to our sexual partner. It's released when we hold hands or kiss. Even hearing our loved one's voice over the phone can release oxytocin. So when we get tightly wrapped up the children's schedule, forsaking date night with our partner, we aren't bonding. We are neglecting our love garden. Then we become unhappy in our relationships, bored, feeling like the love is gone.

So tend your love garden. Keep a weekly date night. Hold hands. Pay a complement. Research suggest that happy couples do 100 caring things a day for each other. That can be a compliment, a favor, a wink, a smile and of course, an "I love you."

For further information you can reach Leta Bell at www.LetaBell.com

The Power of Dance

Recently, I was visiting Miami and had the opportunity to experience the Miami 5 Rhythms community and the Prayerdanse community. They are both a type of dance movement much like a moving meditation. Very powerful, very healing and very fun.

I was able to witness a few people (both on and off the dance floor) that I have known over the years of me either residing in South Florida or visiting South Florida. What I witnessed was a shift is their presence. Their hearts being more open to both themselves and others. I took note of one person, who, for years, had been hiding in layers of insecurity was, now, standing tall and speaking confidently. I shared this with my friend who is anchored in the dance community. She explained these people have been regularly participating in the dance. And the dance has greatly shifted their way of being in the world into that of more joy and grace. I saw it their demeanor, how they spoke and their eye contact. The inner transformation they had experienced through dance had shifted their relationships with themselves and others.

Upon my arrival home, I found this article in my inbox. It is written by Gabrielle Roth, the mother of the 5 Rhythms. She explains the healing art of dance so incredibly well, I wanted to share it with you:

The Spiritual Power of Dance

by Gabrielle Roth

Each of us is a moving center, a space of divine mystery. And though we spend most of our time on the surface in the daily details of ordinary existence, most us hunger to connect to this space within, to break through to bliss, to be swept away into something bigger than us.

As a young dancer, I made the transition from the world of steps and structures to the world of transformation and trance by exposure to live drumming. The beats, the patterns, the rhythms kept calling me deeper and deeper into my dance.

Being young, wild and free, it didn't dawn on me that in order to go into deep ecstatic places, I would have to be willing to transform absolutely everything that got in my way. That included every form of inertia: the physical inertia of tight and stressed muscles; the emotional baggage of depressed, repressed feelings; the mental baggage of dogmas, attitudes and philosophies. In other words, I'd have to let it all go -- everything.

At the time, I was teaching movement to tens of thousands of people and, in them, I began to witness my own body/spirit split. Between the head and feet of any given person is a billion miles of unexplored wilderness. I yearned to know what was going on in that wilderness, not only in me, but in everyone else as well.

And so, movement became both my medicine and my meditation. Having found and healed myself in its wild embrace, I became a mapmaker for others to follow, but not in my footsteps, in their own. Many of us are looking for a beat, something solid and rooted where we can take refuge and begin to explore the fluidity of being alive, to investigate why we often feel stuck, numb, spaced-out, tense, inert, and unable to stand up or sit down or unscramble the screens that reflect our collective insanity.

The question I ask myself and everyone else is, "Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit?" Can we be free of all that binds and bends us into a shape of consciousness that has nothing to do with who we are from moment to moment, from breath to breath?

Dance is the fastest, most direct route to the truth -- not some big truth that belongs to everybody, but the get down and personal kind, the what's-happening-in-me-right-now kind of truth. We dance to reclaim our brilliant ability to disappear in something bigger, something safe, a space without a critic or a judge or an analyst.

We dance to fall in love with the spirit in all things, to wipe out memory or transform it into moves that nobody else can make because they didn't live it. We dance to hook up to the true genius lurking behind all the bullshit -- to seek refuge in our originality and our power to reinvent ourselves; to shed the past, forget the future and fall into the moment feet first. Remember being fifteen, possessed by the beat, by the thrill of music pumping loud enough to drown out everything you'd ever known?

The beat is a lover that never disappoints and, like all lovers, it demands 100% surrender. It has the power to seduce moves we couldn't dream. It grabs us by the belly, turns us inside out and leaves us abruptly begging for more. We love beats that move faster than we can think, beats that drive us ever deeper inside, that rock our worlds, break down walls and make us sweat our prayers. Prayer is moving. Prayer is offering our bones back to the dance. Prayer is letting go of everything that impedes our inner silence. God is the dance and the dance is the way to freedom and freedom is our holy work.

We dance to survive, and the beat offers a yellow brick road to make it through the chaos that is the tempo of our times. We dance to shed skins, tear off masks, crack molds, and experience the breakdown -- the shattering of borders between body, heart and mind, between genders and generations, between nations and nomads. We are the transitional generation.

This is our dance.

For further information you can reach Leta Bell at www.LetaBell.com